Posts Tagged ‘anger’

Celebrate recovery helped me to see that the biggest roadblock to healing is un-forgiveness.      Years ago whenever I heard teachings on forgiveness,  I  didn’t listen too closely because  I felt I was a very forgiving person.  But I was mistaking “write off” for forgiveness.   It went both ways: If I was accused I would deny the harm, or withdraw physically and or emotionally from that person. If I was wronged,  I likewise would deny that harm was done, and often withdraw  physically emotionally  from the wrong-doer. In both cases I found myself withdrawing mentally as well (mental withdrawal from me was when I would forget..the extent of a relationship, the existence of a relationship, or the situation in general) .   The harder it was to deny or withdraw the more likely I would act  on my addictive or compulsive behaviors.  In addition the relationships I had were  shallow or eventually abandoned.  And while I could walk around with a smile, the trap was in denying the hurt, I ultimately had to deny myself (a mere human), and others (also human).   And erring is human!

Celebrate recovery’s  Principle 1  says  that   pretending the hurt isn’t there or that it doesn’t bother you anymore won’t solve your problems.

Jeremiah 6:14 (TLB) reminds us that “You can’t heal a wound by saying it’s not there!”

This is key to why we look back in recovery

As I work through my regular inventory I realize the roots of my compulsive behaviors and addictive desires can be traced back to buried pain.  This is recovery up to this point:   realizing I am wounded,  know God can heal,  allowing him to heal,   open up the wound,  confess our wounded-ness,   allow God to clean it out,   and now be willing to make amends and offer forgiveness.. This is the lasting solution…..  more… (click here for complete lesson)

Updated Definitions of Sobriety Celebrate Recovery® 2006

A Definition of Codependent Sobriety for Men

Codependent sobriety is somewhat different from other sobrieties,

because we do not have a substance from which to abstain. Our

addiction is more relational in nature. The key is learning how to have

healthy relationships and how to establish and enforce appropriate

boundaries. Those healthy boundaries will help us accurately define

where we end and another person begins.

Codependent sobriety is a faithful commitment to consistently

work the program; including working through the CR Step Study

Group, steady attendance at the Large Group Meetings, and to

maintain our responsibility to a Sponsor and our Accountability

Partners. We advocate journaling, daily inventory, transparency

and rigorous honesty.

A Definition of Codependent Sobriety for Women

In the Women’s Codependent group, our definition of sobriety is:

We are earnestly working our program. We are learning as much as we

can about codependency so that we can recognize our behaviors and ask

God to help us improve. We are attempting to depend only on the

opinion of God, not other people.

Thirty days of sobriety would include attending at least 3 out of 4

Friday night meetings during that period. Another reflection of sobriety

would be attending and completing a Step Study.

Financial Sobriety

Living by God’s Financial Guidelines:

• Tithe 10%

• Save 10%

• Living on 80%

A Definition of Sobriety from Anger

We realize that anger is a God-given emotion and that we must learn to

deal with this emotion in a Christlike manner. Even Jesus got angry,

but it is how we use that anger that is important. Using it in a healthy

way will help keep us sober. Attending the Men’s Open Share Anger

Group will provide a safe place to share your hurts, habits and your

anger. As you attend more of the meetings, you will be better able to

identify the root cause of your anger. One of the tools that men can use

to gain control of their tempers and avoid the toxic result that comes

from losing your temper is to “give Jesus a nano-second.” This tool

and others are shared during the group meeting. Attending the group

at least three times a month, is critical, as you learn to master the art

of “showing up.” We let everyone in attendance know that “the issue

is not the issue” and when they are asked to share, they should dig

deep and allow God to help them break the anger cycle. We need to

remember that in life there is ‘fair pain’ and ‘unfair pain.’ In the Men’s

Anger Group, we learn to differentiate between the two, praying to

God to show us how to develop the tools to find a way out of our

unhealthy behaviors.

COSA Sobriety

• A state of confidence resulting from a reliance and trust

in God and myself.

• Focusing on God and relying on Him to meet my needs.

• Letting go of control and trusting God for the outcome.

• Not taking responsibility for the addict’s behavior

or recovery.

• Allowing the sex addict to be responsible for his own

actions and recovery—no rescuing.

• Being honest with myself about my need to be in recovery.

• Minding my own business: no checking up on or spying on the

addict, trusting that God will reveal any necessary information.

• A commitment to growth through prayer, educational

reading and accountability.

APPENDICES 14.11

Some think of Celebrate Recovery as solution only for drug and alcohol addictions. Although Celebrate Recovery is helpful for overcoming these addictions, there are many other physical and emotional issues addressed by Celebrate Recovery.Here are some definitions of “sobriety” for other issues:    (For more comprehensive information on specific areas of recovery click her to go to  TheProblem)
Abuse Victim: I have not harbored anger, resentment, bitterness or unforgiveness for my abusers, nor have I used the actions of others as a justification for my inappropriate actions or attitudes or isolating myself from God or others.  (more on Victim of Abuse)

Abuser: I have not verbally, physically, sexually or emotionally abused others or myself.

Anger: I have not lashed out at others or harbored ill will towards others but have taken appropriate steps to forgive others and resolve conflicts. (more on Anger)

Chemical Addiction: I have not consumed alcohol or drugs, except for appropriate use of legal medications. (more on Chemical Dependency)

Codependency: I have not actively sought to control or manipulate others, given unsolicited advice, or based my self-concept on the well-being or approval of others. (more on Codependency)

Depression: I have not given in to feelings of hopelessness, despondence or passivity in response to difficult or negative situations.

Financial: I am clear about our financial situation. I know current account balances, monthly expenses, loan interest rates, fees, fines, or contractual obligations. I have not shopped compulsively or purchased anything I didn’t need. I am meeting my basic living expenses and fulfilling my financial obligations.  (more on Financial Recovery)

Grief: I have not stopped working through the grief process of denial, anger, bargaining, and acceptance. I ask for help when needed.

Guilt: I have not continued to feel guilt over past sins that I have already confessed and have made or am making amends.

Overeating: I have separated my eating from all other issues in my life. I haven’t used food to deal with my emotions, and I have not used problems or stress as an excuse for overeating. (more on Eating)

Sexual Addiction: I have not actively sought out sexually explicit material in any form, nor have I acted to intentionally place myself in a position of temptation, but when confronted with temptation I did not yield but surrendered the incident to the Lord by praying for His power to resist or flee. (more on Sexual Addiction)

Celebrate Recovery ®

Revised: 2004-09-24 Sobriety-1

“Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words and slander as well as malicious behavior. Instead be kind, tenderhearted, forgiving one another just as God through Christ has forgiven you” Ephesians 4:26-27

I recently was reminded to consider the tone of voice I use with my family.   Hearing how someone had noticed a shift in how they talked to their family as a result  coming to meetings, I thought it would be not only desirable to talk to my spouse with the same kindness I showed strangers, but to speak to him with the same secret intimacy we shared at the beginning of our relationship when it was, “us and ‘them’”. 

There was a time that I struggled with rage on more than a weekly basis.  It was because of the work God did in me through recovery that I have been rage free for over 5 years.    AA teaches an acrostic that has helped me in this area.  H  A  L  T   Halt reminds me that my tendency to rage, or act out can be triggered when I am  too

Hungry

Angry

Lonely

Tired

 “Don’t Sin by letting anger gain control over you, don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry for anger gives a mighty foothold to the devil” Ephesians  4:26-27

I see more clearly the importance of not only starting my day with God, but  before ending it;  it is important to check in with him as well.  So even if I have been so caught up in the business of the day, at the end of each day I can check in with myself and God and put myself in his hands.  Remembering that it is God who feeds me, gives me peace, is my companion, and gives me rest can release me to give my spouse the same break I give to strangers. 

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